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February 20, 2006
Telstra re-locates the language
Telstra has embarked on a project to remove 5000 public telephones including a "secret strategy to defuse the political fall-out .. by marking the phones with stickers claiming they're being relocated - when in fact they're being made redundant. - Page one story in today's Financial Review.
Telstra has embarked on a nationwide program to tackle the growing problem of revenue-negative community concern. The scheme involves a scaling down and re-purposing of words that have been ear-marked by the carrier as not suitable for profit generation.
Telstra's CEO, Mr Sol Trujillo, has ordered the importation of a squadron of crack lexicologists for the project, and they will be distributed around the country. A troop of assault-trained linguists will be deployed in media outlets, and the office of Senator Barnaby Joyce, who yesterday described the cut in the number of pay phones in rural areas as "an attack on the most vulnerable in the community".
"That's one word for sure that will have to go," Mr Trujillo declared on the official Telstra "We Have Excuses For Everything" blog yesterday, while announcing the corporation's $3 million buy-out of the Macquarie Dictionary company. "We'll be relocating that word right away," he revealed. "It's an unnecessarily aggressive word, 'attack', which isn't really appropriate in these days of enterprise-friendly languaging. I'm not in the business of speculating on the details, but it's fair to say that I'd favour a more profit-friendly phrase like "necessary adjustment".
It's believed the company has already relocated the word's "monopoly" - "We think the term 'competition" is far more robust," according to Mr Trujillo - and "broadband", and the phrase "slow as a wet week" has been upgraded to "blinding fast".
The Telstra CEO also unveiled a new complaint-handling procedure that he claimed would result in an immediate improvement in the company's public image. " As you can see from the relocation notices we've been applying to payphones marked for relocation, we're inviting comments from the public on proposed relocation, undertaking that any comments will be taken into account before finalising a decision," he said.
"These comments are to be directed to the Telstra Payphone Siting Manager, Locked Bag 6658, Sydney, NSW, 2001. The idea is that we're going to have similar systems in place in all areas of our operations, aimed at addressing complaints by our users. The genius of this strategy is that we've totally relocated the keys to these locked bags."
Posted by cw at February 20, 2006 06:56 PM
Comments
Maybe it is time to sell Telstra completely. It seems to have been totally infected by the Howard government's approach to the truth. That truth is what you can get away with, or get away with lying about what you were trying to get away with, or get away with denying that you knew anything about what you were trying to get away with.
Then what will happen when this amoral, psycopathic, market dominant, beast gets fully loose?
Posted by: tflip at February 20, 2006 09:00 PM
"A troop of assault-trained linguists will be deployed in media outlets, and the office of Senator Barnaby Joyce"
That is funny :)
Pens, Envelopes, Stamps - Attention
Telstra - The modern company with snail mail.
Posted by: Stephen at February 20, 2006 09:34 PM
What's the problem? I can't remember the last time I used a public pay phone.
Posted by: hellbell at February 20, 2006 10:17 PM
That is the problem.
And what happens when your mobile is flat at 2am in the morning.
Just because some things do not return a profit does not mean it should become an extinct service.
Posted by: Stephen at February 20, 2006 11:17 PM
Folks,
The main reason that has ben left out of this debate, Pay Phones require regular maintenance and coin collection by humans and this costs money!! When did they want to provide service??
Posted by: Barry at February 21, 2006 09:45 AM
The way things are going it might be cheaper for Telstra to buy a basic mobile phone for the needy with a pre-paid plan and allow small top-up increments. They might actually make money with people now calling these numbers to contact the owner.
Posted by: Mark Harrison at February 21, 2006 11:01 AM
I can think of 4 or 5 places, right now without any effort, where there has been 2 or more payphones, and the site has been reduced to one payphone per site. All of these areas are in the lower socio-economic areas around Housing Commission areas in Melbourne.
Unfortunately, these areas have two conflicting reasons as to why, or why not, there should be a payphone there in the first place. The reason against is the constant vandalism, mostly by drug addled addicts looking for a few more coins to buy their next fix. I know this because I once rang the police in the old Richmond (Bridge Road) station to tell them that someone was vandalizing the payphones almost right outside their front door.
I can't blame Telstra for removing a phone that is more out of service than in service. However, the opposide side of the coin is that these same areas are likely to be populated by people who simply do not have the coin to afford a home phone, or a mobile. I also remain concerned by the removal of access to emergency services by the removal of the phones.
In this case, while Telstra management deserve a thump for the stupid way they're covering the issue, I really cannot say that they are not justified. In some cases.
Posted by: Ryan at February 21, 2006 12:58 PM